crystal_clear: (Default)
What, just WHAT.

Why am I on youtube, reminiscing the good old music from yore and exploring some fresh songvids...

...when I should be studying the eff out.

DEAR GOD HELP.

If this ain't an SOS then I don't know what is.

Meh

Jul. 6th, 2017 09:25 am
crystal_clear: (Kamui - forgotten)
In some aspects of my life...it's like it's jinxed so bad.

Sigh.

God Help me.
crystal_clear: (kara no kyoukai)
1. ...I find that the place sucks.

More specifically, my workplaces suck. Even my university was less than spectacular, all things considered - although there are some positive outcomes from that.

How are we expected to work when our resources are severely depleted?

And yet my superiors only want to increase our burden. Damn it all.

2. As a direct sequelae of the above...does this mean I need to cut my spending short?

Because finding an alternative source of income seems near impossible at this point.

Leaving is an option. But what place would welcome an insignificant morsel such as myself?
crystal_clear: (Kamui - forgotten)
1. Good Lord, I can't wait any longer. The suspense is killing me!

I can be such a moron sometimes. Pfft.

Note to self: Read the damned fine prints. Especially when it comes to important documents.

2. As much as I adore Final Fantasy...I can't seem to immerse myself too much in their mobile releases.

Brave Exvius was fun up to a certain point. Then the difficulty spike proved to be too much, and now it's more or less dropped.

Final Fantasy Dimensions was okay, until the micro(?)transactions come in. Then there was no way of proceeding. The same goes with Theatrhythm.

Final Fantasy Record Keeper...I'm not exactly sure what happened with that one.

And now they're announcing Dissidia Opera Omnia, while Mobius Final Fantasy is already out.

...Let's not talk about All the Bravest, because that was crap.
crystal_clear: (sherlock/john - arguing with doctor)
It's bad enough that common sense is no longer common, as I am sure many would agree with me.

Now even stupidity is contagious.

I have no escape.
crystal_clear: (Kamui - forgotten)
There is an unexplainable emptiness in my heart that refuses to go away even after much coaxing by my rational self, which went along the lines of "Everything will be all right", "You're still awesome", "That's just how things are", "You're okay"...which, let's just face it, are no more than blatant lies that fail to work anymore, if they had worked at all in the past.

The spontaneous crying spells are not helping the situation either.


I'd like to convince myself that it's normal, it's okay to cry once in awhile, because that just how life as a HO is. That some people still cared, and that not everyone is bad entirely. And that soon the storm and the clouds will pass, and sunshine will finally shine through.

But things have not been going well, and I really think that I'm not entirely to blame. A victim of circumstances, so to speak, but I still will face the dire consequences...because that's just part of the job description.

I'd like to think after all is said and done, I'll be able to look back with a content smile on my face, a whisper of gratitude to Him, and say with much conviction that "I made it out alive, and a better person after all this"...but with time moving so slowly, it feels more like a slow, painful torture. Psychological torture, that eventually will take a toll on my own physical health.

Is it worth it in the end, though? The question waits for its answer...

...Also, I'm sort of allergic to idealistic movies. The Three Musketeers was a guilty pleasure, while The Princess Bride was a delightful movie to watch...but after a certain point I feel like they're trying to sell us false dreams and hopes. But that's what movies are supposed to be, yes? Unrealistic, harmless fun...as long as we don't expect the same to happen to us in real life.

"All for one, and one for all"...somehow I wish such sentiment exists in the department...
crystal_clear: (Default)
There has to be a limit to incompetence.

I can't work when things get blown out of proportion. When even the nurses can't bloody keep up with the pace. I know I work slow but at least I get the job done AND I'm willing to at least cover for other people's misses.

Bloody hell. Why is it that I'm always covering for people but when things get screwed up I get roped in along for the fall?

I'm reaching my breaking point.

Honestly though, with all the hurdles that they're putting, I'm surprised they're not labeling us house officers as mere secretaries. I mean, what's the use of having the MBBS qualification but I can't even prescribe proper drugs during clinic? Which begs the question - why bother having us house officers during clinic when we're better off in the wards doing ward work, tracing those blood and culture results, writing down long discharge summaries...and preparing census reports that in the end benefit others more than ourselves?

Screw bureaucracy.

...Is it evil of me if I'm waiting for things to really get screwed for them to realize what kind of moronic system they have?

But spare me from their downfall, please. I'm too awesome - not much, but still awesome enough - for all this crap they're giving me.

...Excuse the foul language, but believe me when I say that the words that run through my head are more colourful than you could ever imagine.

(I fear that I'm starting to forget what happiness feels like. One thing for sure - even during my convocation I felt numb, apathetic.)

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diamanté

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