Nov. 26th, 2015 11:04 pm
crystal_clear: (holmes/watson 2009 - amble)
A slow but certain descend into...self-debilitation. Madness? Dear me, I do hope not.

Solitude is my preference, but there are times that I want, I yearn - need, even - companionship.

I hate myself for being so bloody weak.


Oct. 18th, 2015 06:51 pm
crystal_clear: (the lamp post)
I am afraid to hope.

After all, what are the chances?
crystal_clear: Tifa of FFVII (Tifa)
...that feeling which I thought I had long forsaken, which I was denied of.

It came, more intense than ever.

And yet, still the uncertainty that surrounds it all...it is maddening, that's what it is.

How bad do I want it, then, if I were truly honest?


And yet I will not budge, I will not make the first move.

My old wounds may rebleed.
crystal_clear: (Kamui - forgotten)
Maybe you're too in love with yourself...that there is no more space for any love for me.
crystal_clear: (Default)
At one point though, it gets tiring. It feels like I'm always the one expending energy to actually initiate and even maintain things. How am I supposed to know if it's actually mutual, and that all my efforts are actually amounting to something?
crystal_clear: (Look)
Why do people seek it - heck, why do I keep on going in circles - when it only gives me pain?

...Come to think of it, the first thing that crossed my mind when I realised that I'm actually liking someone was "Oh shoot". What does that say about me?
crystal_clear: (Kamui - forgotten)
It's like being on high, then it comes crushing down.

I hate this feeling. I hate how mellow it makes me, and how it feels like I can just melt into a puddle of goo on the floor. Icky, yucky goo.

After the the imaginary happiness, the pain hurts very badly...manifesting in different ways that will put a strain on my physical being.


I hate myself.


crystal_clear: (Default)

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