Stark Obvious
My institution should be shut down totally.
The incompetence and the inadequacy are just too much to be easily forgiven
The incompetence and the inadequacy are just too much to be easily forgiven
That Escalated Quickly
From dislike to absolute disdain.
I seem to have a penchant for picking conflicts with other people.
Pretty certain I’m the wronged party here though.
Because those scums have no sense of respect.
I seem to have a penchant for picking conflicts with other people.
Pretty certain I’m the wronged party here though.
Because those scums have no sense of respect.
Entry tags:
Sometimes Hooking Up Drops One's IQ
I see people in relationships making themselves look like idiots by posting possessive posts and stupid comments and baseless threats and I'm just glad I'm single and minding my own business and keeping my opinions to myself instead of shoving them everywhere on the Net.
Fleeting Nature of Things Alive and Not
1. So farewell to unfairly disposed items of mine. I probably should have taken care of you but...there is no escape from one's own doom at times.
2. Okay so maybe my shopping behaviour is getting slightly out of hand...
3. I should make it a rule that I can only purchase a game after finishing one. At the moment my backlog is just too immense it's not even funny anymore...
4. FML. My life's story is the reason I have trust issues. There are good things that I should thank God for, truly, but I just...well, I hate myself more often than I should.
2. Okay so maybe my shopping behaviour is getting slightly out of hand...
3. I should make it a rule that I can only purchase a game after finishing one. At the moment my backlog is just too immense it's not even funny anymore...
4. FML. My life's story is the reason I have trust issues. There are good things that I should thank God for, truly, but I just...well, I hate myself more often than I should.
I (Still) Hate (Most) People
I swear, people are insufferable.
I wonder where do they keep their gigantic ego.
When I can feel gastritis acting up in response to these buggers, it just shows that it's just too much already.
I know I should not be affected, but my body just refuses to listen to my rational thinking, goddamnit!
I wonder where do they keep their gigantic ego.
When I can feel gastritis acting up in response to these buggers, it just shows that it's just too much already.
I know I should not be affected, but my body just refuses to listen to my rational thinking, goddamnit!
Itta Hazu Da
I've actually said it out loud
"I have no friends."
To which the response was, "There are seven billion people in the world--"
"And I'm still single."
Badum tsss.
It stings. So bad.
The world sucks, end of story. My life sucks too, but not as bad as the world itself.
Stuck
How do you know if it's time to move on, or to continue to fight?
Because I can't work under a dictators. Correction: Dictators with a capital D.
Because they can be dickheads as well.
Honestly, I don't know.
Untitled #12
Meh.
It's vexing how life's choices seem to be all at once limited the moment you reach a certain age.
When one's working habits - already forming one's entire gamut - is both a blessing and a curse. Mediocrity is punishment by itself.
And yet all the disruptions still ruffle one's feathers, perhaps even more so compared to days of yore.
The perks are now intangible.
Does one throw in the towel? Or does one stay for another round and fight?
What if it's a losing battle?
It's vexing how life's choices seem to be all at once limited the moment you reach a certain age.
When one's working habits - already forming one's entire gamut - is both a blessing and a curse. Mediocrity is punishment by itself.
And yet all the disruptions still ruffle one's feathers, perhaps even more so compared to days of yore.
The perks are now intangible.
Does one throw in the towel? Or does one stay for another round and fight?
What if it's a losing battle?
Untitled #9
1. Sometimes I'm too stubborn for my own good.
But how can I be faulted of being reactive when the people around me are practically asking for it?
2. It's just not fun anymore.
I wonder if it is still worth fighting for...
3. I just...fml.
But how can I be faulted of being reactive when the people around me are practically asking for it?
2. It's just not fun anymore.
I wonder if it is still worth fighting for...
3. I just...fml.
Humanity Has Fallen
Unoriginal title, I know.
It truly sends me into a deep devastation how the world is having an increased number of bad people around.
Those knaves who seek to cheat the unsuspecting, naive victims.
The wicked who finds pleasure in other people's pain and suffering.
They probably don't deserve to live.
It truly sends me into a deep devastation how the world is having an increased number of bad people around.
Those knaves who seek to cheat the unsuspecting, naive victims.
The wicked who finds pleasure in other people's pain and suffering.
They probably don't deserve to live.
Entry tags:
Untitled #8
1. So I tried the World of Final Fantasy Dungeon Demo.
It was...painfully average. I dig the turn based aspect, but the stacking and unstacking of your playable characters? The pokemon gotta-catch-'em-all mirages...
Here's to hoping that the preorder bonus will be worth the wait.
2. I swear, my hospital is mostly run by idiots. And there is some contribution in the form of "primary team specialists" in that band of idiots.
Professionalism is dying, and so's mine. Because unfortunately, there's no way I can maintain my composure being surrounded by these buggers.
I'm sorry I can't be the better one in all this shyte.
3. I have another addition to my long list of unhealthy obsessions.
The housecat.
...I'm turning into your typical single old lady stereotype. Goddamnit.
It was...painfully average. I dig the turn based aspect, but the stacking and unstacking of your playable characters? The pokemon gotta-catch-'em-all mirages...
Here's to hoping that the preorder bonus will be worth the wait.
2. I swear, my hospital is mostly run by idiots. And there is some contribution in the form of "primary team specialists" in that band of idiots.
Professionalism is dying, and so's mine. Because unfortunately, there's no way I can maintain my composure being surrounded by these buggers.
I'm sorry I can't be the better one in all this shyte.
3. I have another addition to my long list of unhealthy obsessions.
The housecat.
...I'm turning into your typical single old lady stereotype. Goddamnit.
Entry tags:
Squee!
1. My Spyair album - Rockin' the World - is finally here! Fangasm!
2. I get so tired of explaining to people who just would not listen. Kind of feels like I've been talking to myself. That is not communication.
So it's hardly my fault if I exploded.
3. I know I've reiterated this countless times like a broken record, but I'm just too pumped.
Trails of Cold Steel II. TOMORROW.
2. I get so tired of explaining to people who just would not listen. Kind of feels like I've been talking to myself. That is not communication.
So it's hardly my fault if I exploded.
3. I know I've reiterated this countless times like a broken record, but I'm just too pumped.
Trails of Cold Steel II. TOMORROW.
Down and...Downer?
1. Wow. It is possible to hate my job more than ever.
Kudos to my superiors, although it probably isn't saying much. They are just not trying, at all.
I hope a grand retribution awaits ye.
2. I am ambivalent about the idea of a live-action Bleach. It's very difficult to achieve what Rurouni Kenshin and Death Note have. Gantz I have yet to see.
If they screw it up...God Help us all.
3. I am just so, so exhausted. I need a break already.
Kudos to my superiors, although it probably isn't saying much. They are just not trying, at all.
I hope a grand retribution awaits ye.
2. I am ambivalent about the idea of a live-action Bleach. It's very difficult to achieve what Rurouni Kenshin and Death Note have. Gantz I have yet to see.
If they screw it up...God Help us all.
3. I am just so, so exhausted. I need a break already.
Entry tags:
Really.
Some people just don't act their age. Too childish, too stubborn for their own good.
So grow the eff up. For real.
Good Lord, the world is really going to the dogs.
So grow the eff up. For real.
Good Lord, the world is really going to the dogs.
Breaking Point
There has to be a limit to incompetence.
I can't work when things get blown out of proportion. When even the nurses can't bloody keep up with the pace. I know I work slow but at least I get the job done AND I'm willing to at least cover for other people's misses.
Bloody hell. Why is it that I'm always covering for people but when things get screwed up I get roped in along for the fall?
I'm reaching my breaking point.
Honestly though, with all the hurdles that they're putting, I'm surprised they're not labeling us house officers as mere secretaries. I mean, what's the use of having the MBBS qualification but I can't even prescribe proper drugs during clinic? Which begs the question - why bother having us house officers during clinic when we're better off in the wards doing ward work, tracing those blood and culture results, writing down long discharge summaries...and preparing census reports that in the end benefit others more than ourselves?
Screw bureaucracy.
...Is it evil of me if I'm waiting for things to really get screwed for them to realize what kind of moronic system they have?
But spare me from their downfall, please. I'm too awesome - not much, but still awesome enough - for all this crap they're giving me.
...Excuse the foul language, but believe me when I say that the words that run through my head are more colourful than you could ever imagine.
(I fear that I'm starting to forget what happiness feels like. One thing for sure - even during my convocation I felt numb, apathetic.)
I can't work when things get blown out of proportion. When even the nurses can't bloody keep up with the pace. I know I work slow but at least I get the job done AND I'm willing to at least cover for other people's misses.
Bloody hell. Why is it that I'm always covering for people but when things get screwed up I get roped in along for the fall?
I'm reaching my breaking point.
Honestly though, with all the hurdles that they're putting, I'm surprised they're not labeling us house officers as mere secretaries. I mean, what's the use of having the MBBS qualification but I can't even prescribe proper drugs during clinic? Which begs the question - why bother having us house officers during clinic when we're better off in the wards doing ward work, tracing those blood and culture results, writing down long discharge summaries...and preparing census reports that in the end benefit others more than ourselves?
Screw bureaucracy.
...Is it evil of me if I'm waiting for things to really get screwed for them to realize what kind of moronic system they have?
But spare me from their downfall, please. I'm too awesome - not much, but still awesome enough - for all this crap they're giving me.
...Excuse the foul language, but believe me when I say that the words that run through my head are more colourful than you could ever imagine.
(I fear that I'm starting to forget what happiness feels like. One thing for sure - even during my convocation I felt numb, apathetic.)
Neutrality
So many things all around, so many thoughts flood my head, so many feelings invade my chest.
Given my usual attitude, I tend to ignore most things. That's what people usually say, yes? "Don't mind, don't mind", "That's just how people are", and "You can't change other people, but you can change how you think" and so on.
Come a certain point, I can snap. Yesterday, I probably scared a colleague of mine...but he's the least of my worries.
Maybe people just don't get me. All the smiles I wear are not really me. Even though I am capable of writing happy and funny things...there remains a part of me that can't seem to shake all the gloom away.
It's like a sugar rush...One moment people may see me all sunshine, the next moment a storm may suddenly rage. I doubt it's bipolar disorder though...
I think I am lenient enough. But when people overstep my boundary...heads will roll.
...I may be capable of being vindictive after all.
Given my usual attitude, I tend to ignore most things. That's what people usually say, yes? "Don't mind, don't mind", "That's just how people are", and "You can't change other people, but you can change how you think" and so on.
Come a certain point, I can snap. Yesterday, I probably scared a colleague of mine...but he's the least of my worries.
Maybe people just don't get me. All the smiles I wear are not really me. Even though I am capable of writing happy and funny things...there remains a part of me that can't seem to shake all the gloom away.
It's like a sugar rush...One moment people may see me all sunshine, the next moment a storm may suddenly rage. I doubt it's bipolar disorder though...
I think I am lenient enough. But when people overstep my boundary...heads will roll.
...I may be capable of being vindictive after all.
Hanging On...Barely
Today will be my third day offtag, and I can safely say that I'm hatin' the shift system.
From what I could see from my two days' worth of experience, the department doesn't have enough House Officers to work in shifts. In the morning, there are only at most 3 or 4 HOs in each ward, but that's before they get called to the OT, to the clinic, to review the patient(s) in the first class ward. And because the clinic always demands for as many HOs as possible, yesterday my ward practically had zero HO around - until the second shift person came in, who was stuck doing the discharge summaries.
As for me, yesterday I was called down to the clinic before the morning round was barely halfway, and as I attended to the patients in the clinic, suddenly I was informed that I had to enter the OT to assist. And so I ran - at one point I even got lost, but let's leave that aside - and because the OT staffs who had no work was busy with some Raya feast, the people lining up at the table kind of blocked my way.
Sigh. Fortunately though, a colleague managed to brief me on what a HO is supposed to do in the OT, so I suppose I got the gist of it - missing only one or two duties. Anyhow. It was a case of closed fracture of proximal third of right femur - in fact, one of the first cases that I clerked in the ward - and so the operation was interlocking nail of right femur.
The problem? Because I'm of (below?) average height, and the MOs who were doing the op were tall people, the OT table was at least at the level of my chest. And when I had to retract the muscle upwards, I had to do it while standing on my toes. Because we're talking about retracting the anterior thigh muscles, which are strong like whoa, this morning I woke up with aches all over my body.
Ortho can be fun, but maybe I'm just physically not built for it.
As for the oncall the night before - it could get pretty hectic with handling new admissions, post-op reviews, keeping a straight face as a post-op patient in pain scolded me when I advised him to elevate his lower limb in view of his swollen foot, a certain nurse's rudeness and possessiveness over an injection trolley (I commend my self-control for not yelling out "What the hell is your problem, woman!?" there and then), further blood-taking procedures...and people's branulas keep on leaking and/or being pulled out.
I must have inserted at least 8 branulas on that day alone, but I'm pretty thankful that the veins of Melaka people are easier to find and poke than those of Kuantan.
Suffice to say, my first oncall was all right - although the sleep that followed was anything but restful, as I still dreamt of being in the ward and talking to a colleague *coughcough*, causing intermittent disruptions in my sleep.
And so, the saga continues. I'm on oncall duty tonight, from 10pm until 10am tomorrow morning. Here's to praying that it will be an uneventful one, because I don't think my body is ready to handle too many serious cases at once.
...I need to get a proper life, and proper food. Surviving on a cup of Nescafe for long stretches of hours can be damaging in the long run. And my heart...my poor heart.
...After a certain point, I don't know what to think anymore, and just let the waves of Life push me to the shores, as He Sees fit.
At least I can look forward to my parents' visit tomorrow, if He Wills it.
From what I could see from my two days' worth of experience, the department doesn't have enough House Officers to work in shifts. In the morning, there are only at most 3 or 4 HOs in each ward, but that's before they get called to the OT, to the clinic, to review the patient(s) in the first class ward. And because the clinic always demands for as many HOs as possible, yesterday my ward practically had zero HO around - until the second shift person came in, who was stuck doing the discharge summaries.
As for me, yesterday I was called down to the clinic before the morning round was barely halfway, and as I attended to the patients in the clinic, suddenly I was informed that I had to enter the OT to assist. And so I ran - at one point I even got lost, but let's leave that aside - and because the OT staffs who had no work was busy with some Raya feast, the people lining up at the table kind of blocked my way.
Sigh. Fortunately though, a colleague managed to brief me on what a HO is supposed to do in the OT, so I suppose I got the gist of it - missing only one or two duties. Anyhow. It was a case of closed fracture of proximal third of right femur - in fact, one of the first cases that I clerked in the ward - and so the operation was interlocking nail of right femur.
The problem? Because I'm of (below?) average height, and the MOs who were doing the op were tall people, the OT table was at least at the level of my chest. And when I had to retract the muscle upwards, I had to do it while standing on my toes. Because we're talking about retracting the anterior thigh muscles, which are strong like whoa, this morning I woke up with aches all over my body.
Ortho can be fun, but maybe I'm just physically not built for it.
As for the oncall the night before - it could get pretty hectic with handling new admissions, post-op reviews, keeping a straight face as a post-op patient in pain scolded me when I advised him to elevate his lower limb in view of his swollen foot, a certain nurse's rudeness and possessiveness over an injection trolley (I commend my self-control for not yelling out "What the hell is your problem, woman!?" there and then), further blood-taking procedures...and people's branulas keep on leaking and/or being pulled out.
I must have inserted at least 8 branulas on that day alone, but I'm pretty thankful that the veins of Melaka people are easier to find and poke than those of Kuantan.
Suffice to say, my first oncall was all right - although the sleep that followed was anything but restful, as I still dreamt of being in the ward and talking to a colleague *coughcough*, causing intermittent disruptions in my sleep.
And so, the saga continues. I'm on oncall duty tonight, from 10pm until 10am tomorrow morning. Here's to praying that it will be an uneventful one, because I don't think my body is ready to handle too many serious cases at once.
...I need to get a proper life, and proper food. Surviving on a cup of Nescafe for long stretches of hours can be damaging in the long run. And my heart...my poor heart.
...After a certain point, I don't know what to think anymore, and just let the waves of Life push me to the shores, as He Sees fit.
At least I can look forward to my parents' visit tomorrow, if He Wills it.
Entry tags:
Forever Alone
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I can't put it into words - which means that it is pretty bad.
I need a hug. Before I crumble into nothingness.