Epiphany

1. How ironic. It's only now that I realise what a common idiom in my native tongue - "Buat baik berpada-pada, but jahat jangan sekali" - actually means. The meaning as a whole, not just the second part, because that is self-explanatory and is morally logical, if there exists such a thing.

The first part - doesn't it mean that doing good also should be done carefully? As in, obviously we shouldn't be assisting anyone doing criminal acts, but perhaps this also extends to those you once thought you could trust almost whole-heartedly.

Then it brings another question altogether. The issue of intention.

God Promised, didn't He? That anyone who eases the way for his or her brethens, then He shall do the same for him or her.

The point is: Let's not compromise too much that it puts your own rights and self in jeopardy. Yes.

I really should be more honest, whether to myself or to the people around me.

2. A conversation - not in verbatim, but the gist is well preserved! - in which I probably should start to take heed...

Mom: You okay?
Me: Mmm...Why?
Mom: You sound...
Me: ...depressed?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Naturally.
Mom: ...Naturally. Right.

And just this morning my friend and I was saying how her life is colourful like her headscarf, and then I accused/teased her as being euphoric. Then she said murmured something about major depressive disorder, to which I said, "Wait, are you talking about me?"

She chuckled.

"Maybe I'm not having major depressive disorder," I resume. "More like...Pre-major depressive disorder." Because - despite my talks of jumping off buildings - I don't think I should do that. Mostly because (a) God Says No to the idea of suicide, (b) I doubt my good deeds so far is enough and (c) There are still things I value in this life, rotten as the world is.