Terribad

I feel so awful that I doubt there is even an English word that could aptly describe it. Or maybe the language centre in my brain is just plain tired that it doesn't bother with effort...

It's tiring to oscillate between 'utter despair' and 'tiny sliver of hope'. It's crazy, like a mini bipolar streak. Whenever the religious part of me strives to trust in God's planning, the cautious realist (Yes, I consider myself as a cautious realist rather than the all too negative pessimist) jumpstarts me back and points out that it's best to not expect too much, as it will lessen the pain if it doesn't materialise.

But I still want to graduate. I need to pass because my future, my sanity, my life depends on.

Seriously, self? If you have time to regret, how's about using it for a more fruitful end? For instance...studying properly!?