Way Uncool

1. In which I'm stuck in a loop - constantly feeling and acting awkward, then the regretting my own shortcomings, then wondering if I'm worthy of all the good things...only to immediately question if I actually deserve more than what I've got.

It's like my conscience can't stick to one temperament for a decent time period.

And then there's the feeling of constantly making myself look and sound like an absolute idiot.

So not cool, so irritating, so demeaning.

...Is this 'Optimism' mantra not working?

2. It's hard to keep a smiling face and be happy for others' happiness when my heart is writhing in sheer agony and, to some extent, envy.